Who of us doesnt relate to this line of thinking? Why is it so excruciating to move on after a relationship ends? Often there is no immediately apparent rationale for the ending of a relationship but even if there was, the need to detach from a former love and to move on with your life is inescapable. In my case, a whirlwind romance with a highly attractive man caused me to morph into a mindless I-must-have-him machine. I thought about him incessantly and while he showed great interest in me at first….special emphasis on ‘at first, my constant emails and text messages began to take their toll. I watched my phone, checked to make sure it was on, cherished the messages he left me, printed the late night Instant Messages, rearranged my life to suit his schedule….I know I dont need to go on! The fiery chemistry that happened in the beginning started to fizzle out after 2 or 3 months. Then, he disappeared. Gone.

The first couple of weeks, I held out hope that he would miss me so desperately that he would call, beg forgiveness and sweep me off my feet again. Two more weeks and I was ready to be done with him but I kept wondering what I had done wrong. The chemistry was real, thats for sure. Miserable, I limped through my days unable to keep my mind off of him. By then I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and set out to change my mindset. The techniques I used have now become a tried and true system for saying goodbye to that ghost lover (my term for the man who left and the dream of what might have developed with him). I know you can do this! Ok, this is no fun, but facing the fact that you are hooked on this guy is the first and most essential step.

Yes, you feel foolish. No, you dont want to give up on him. But how are you feeling? Probably not. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I do love him. He doesnt want to be with me right now. This really hurts and I hate it! I want to learn to let him go. I want to think about what I want to think about and not about him. Im worth it.” If you tell yourself these facts (you can use mine if you cant think of your own) every day for a week, you will empower yourself for the next steps. That was then and this is now. Face it, you arent the only woman to have experienced this heart ache. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can. As you look back to the beginnings of this relationship, let yourself remember how good it felt.

If he wasnt the one, those same good feelings are out there for you with a new guy. Embracing the you that fell for him rather than criticizing yourself for what you perceive as an error in judgment will build your sense of self esteem and equip you for the next step. Now is when this gets fun. Each thought that you think about him has emotional energy attached to it. Some is positive, some is negative. There is a way to reclaim and reassign this energy and your imagination is the gateway. We are going to create an imaginary “Him or Better Box”. It is best to name the box specifically, so use the name of your Ex instead of Him. Close your eyes and imagine a box about the size of a recipe file. It may show up in color, if not, make it any color you please. Allow your imagination to decorate it with any ribbons, jewels or symbols that might appear. If yours is a plain white box…that is ok, too. There is no right or wrong.

Your goal is to ‘capture the thoughts about him and to place them in the box. The reason we call it a “Mr. Ex or Better Box” is so that if he does come back, you are banking all of this energy toward reconnecting with him then. After all, he is not in your life right now anyway so why waste time and energy thinking about him now. The ‘or Better just says to the Universe and to you that you are banking on the new love in your life and that you are stockpiling the emotional energy around the thoughts to that potential. 4 Capturing Those Pesky Thoughts. Learning to capture and control your thoughts serves a dual purpose. One, you have highly tangible evidence that that you can direct your own thinking. Two, you immediately reclaim the energy for your own life and are free to assign it to where you want it to go.

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