1) In the ‘Data collection’ section:
a. You need to give more information about the texts your students were working with. Please describe these in detail. Also, if possible, include a sample in your appendix and refer to it here. ( I have write some information I do not know if they are correct please check that, as I have highlighted it.
b. I am puzzled by the task you asked students to complete. It looks like this asked them to focus specifically on the vocabulary of the texts. I don’t understand why this was appropriate for a study of ‘incidental vocabulary learning’. This needs some explanation. ( please make it clear that the task is for incidental learning and there is no direction given for the students to focuse on the vocabulary).
c. The paragraph ‘After translating the words…’ appears to suggest that the teacher’s clustering words into frequency groups was the next stage of the class activity. Is this right? It seems surprising and it isn’t clear what students had to do here. Please clarify this.
d. According to the same paragraph, both category B and category C contains words which appeared twice. I assume this is a typo?
e. Please explain what sort of vocabulary knowledge your tests aimed to elicit (this is where you can draw on the sections about word knowledge and productive/receptive vocabulary that will be removed from your literature review). Also, include copies of the vocabulary tests in your appendices.
f. Explain the timeline of the study in more detail. When was each test delivered and when did the task take place?
2) In the ‘results’ section, provide a table showing pre- and post-test results for all students (i.e. the full version of table 6).
3) In the ‘Discussion’ section, the part about correlation does not (as you claim) show how much students improved. Correlation between scores on pre- and post-tests just shows whether the students who were top in the first test were still top in the second etc. I would suggest deleting all reference to this analysis. You can use average number of words learned to evaluate amount of learning.
4) Please make sure you bibliography is consistently formatted