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When we control what is in our world it is healthy. So, if we say in my world infidelity does not happen. That is not “controlling” because the partner has the right to refuse to be in your world if they need to have other partners. They can choose to be in your world or not. You are not controlling them only what happens in your world. Personal boundaries are sometimes hard to comprehend. Sometimes we have no idea what boundaries we “should” have or what boundaries we want. Only you can make this decision. A personality test tells you how your choose to be in the world. Your personality profile will change over time because you will change over time. A test I recommend is the Kiersey Sorter. These exercises are to encourage each partner to increase his or her ability to find, give, and enjoy pleasure. People today often have “scurvy of the soul.” Our own soul is not nurtured and fulfilled.

We may have a tendency to do what society or culture tells us will bring us happiness or joy. We often pay no attention to our own ability to enjoy pleasure and dont take the time to learn how to give pleasure. We may not even know what pleasure” means for ourselves. If we ignore pleasure, we are not fully developed emotionally. Pleasure is a wonderful ingredient in a healthy relationship. This exercise will introduce the procedure of creating safe sacred space. Both partners will decide on a space in your home that will be private and uninterrupted for about an hour. Use scarves, or something like scarves, and make a border or boundary around the area. It can be on the living room floor with pillows to sit on, or in the bedroom, or on a bed. You will be sitting facing each other. When the boundary has been established and the ambiance is soft and quiet, with soft lights and soft music. Both partners will then remove from the sacred space the attributes you do not want in your communication space. This space will be a space to enjoy compassion and caring with each other.

Removal suggestions; Negativity, judging, aggression, pessimism, criticism, etc….all the negative attitudes you do not want in your sacred space. Add in suggestions; Acceptance, love, caring, compassion, gentleness, optimism, love…etc. This is now your relationship/couples sacred safe space. Sit facing each other with knees together, or with one partner having their legs over the others legs. Take a few deep breaths together and spend a few moments in quiet just BEING together. Here are some suggestions on “talking” subjects. 1. What is your greatest wish for this relationship? 6. Tell your partner how you like to be touched. 7. Share a fantasy. 8. Share your sexual turn-ons and turn-offs. 9. Anything else you would like to share. Each partner will take a turn. Decide who will be first and who second. Each partner will take about five minutes talking about each subject. Take more time if needed. No issues to be worked through here, only heart shares. While one partner is sharing the listening partner just listens.

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